A very emotional weekend

These past several days have had many ups and downs for me.  I have been overwhelmed with joy, then crying my eyes out, then overwhelmed with joy again.  Let me try to explain, as this is a little off the topic of living in Costa Rica, but some does relate.

At an extremely young age, 6 weeks to be exact, I was adopted.  I had always hoped to find my biological family and find out where I came from and why I was put up for adoption.  These are normal things that those of us who were adopted want to find out.  I do believe that there is a biological desire there in our DNA for us to try to connect with those that were are physically related to.  Not all of us feel this way though; it is more common for girls than boys to seek out the biological family.

When I was 21 years old I was pregnant with my daughter.  This stirred up a lot of emotions for me and got me to think about how I could try to locate my biological family.  Before this, I had no idea where to start and back then we didn’t have all the databases like we have now making it much easier to locate people.  There was no social media back then, if you needed to find someone you had better have some money to hire a private investigator.  But, with the help of my mother, the one who adopted me, we contacted Catholic Charities who I was adopted through.  I was told that I could submit a letter to my file and if my biological mother or father had submitted a letter they would then be exchanged.  They couldn’t tell me if a letter had been submitted, but they highly encouraged me to submit a letter.  So I did.  A little time went by and I got a letter in the mail, it was from my biological mother.  We exchanged letters that way for a while until she gave me the name and phone number of her sister and mother.  Then I was able to call them.

I met my biological mother’s sister and grandmother not long after my daughter was born.  It wasn’t the happy reunion that I was hoping for, like the ones you see on TV, but it was a reunion.  Lots of information was exchanged between us, my adoptive mother was there with me also.  We all had a nice lunch and went on our way.  I can tell you that my biological grandmother was extremely upset that I was not adopted by a Catholic family.  She stated that she wanted me to be raised by a Catholic family and they is why they went through Catholic Charities.  Well, I guess God had other plans for me.  I was told that my biological mother had several other children and they could not know about me until the youngest was of adult age, and in their family that was considered to be 21.

I would send letters to my biological mothers sister and then she would mail them to her.  I did this for a few years.  My biological mother did say that she hoped someday she could hold me again in her arms like she did when I was first born.  This meant so much to me.  Then I called my bio-grandmother one day to see how she was doing.  She then informed me that I needed to quit writing letters to my bio-mom as it was causing problems between her and her husband.  Her husband didn’t want her to have anything to do with me.  Whether this is true or not, I still don’t know yet.  So, I stopped sending letters.  I still tried to stay in contact with her, bio-grandmother, over the next few years, calling every so often just to check in so to speak.  That is when I found out that bio-grandma had a mini-stroke.  I never heard from her or my bio-moms sister after that.

Out of respect for the family, I waited, and I waited until I knew that the youngest child had at least reached the age of 21.  At this point in my life, life was happening.  I was going to school full time, and working full time.  I didn’t have time for anything else.  I was so focused on my studies that most other things fell into the background.  (Except my husband and child of course.)  The day I graduate college is the same day we got on a plane and moved to Costa Rica.  It was a very rough start down here.  For a long time we didn’t have internet at home.  So I would go to town and use it at one of the internet cafes.  I wouldn’t spend a lot of time there, just check in with friends and family to let them know that we were still kicking.

We have spent most of our time and money working on the house we bought.  It was a shell at first, but we turned it into a beautiful home and we still have work to do.  Finding my biological family has always been in the back of my mind, but I had no idea how to do it now.  I tried contacting Catholic Charities again, but got no where.  Then, the most amazing thing happened this year.  The state of Ohio unsealed the adoption records.

The major problem I had was trying to get a notary for signing the document for getting my original birth certificate.  US notaries are not an easy thing to get when you live in a foreign country.  I would have to make an appointment at the US Embassy here, travel all the way there, and then pay $50.  After that I would have to mail it to Ohio with a check or money order for $20.  Well, I don’t have a checking account here and I have never seen money orders here, not even sure if they would accept one from another country to begin with.  But I had another break-through.

I received a message on my Facebook from someone asking me about my brother.  He is my adoptive brother who I grew up with, so we are not blood related.  I spoke with person on the phone for a long time and got as much information from her as possible.  I spoke to her sister as well.  They were hoping that my brother was their biological brother.  Unfortunately, he wasn’t.  They were pretty devastated, especially the younger one who has been trying for 6 years to find her brother.  I know how they feel.

The lady that first contacted me about my brother told me of the person who was helping her, she was called a search angel.  She gave me her name and I went from there.  I contacted her and gave her as much information that I had.  My biological mother’s name, maiden and married name.  Her sisters name, the number of siblings that she had, how many children she had, and where she used to live.  I had more information also that I gave her.  It was in a matter of days that she had names for me, phone numbers, and addresses.  So I decided to try to reach out.  This way I could say that I at least tried.

I started off by sending messages via Facebook to find out if they were related to my biological mother.  I know these messages would go to the other box and may not be seen for a while.  I am one of those people who check that box often as I have people message me about living down here and about the immigration process for Costa Rica.  I then decided that I would try to call.  I did try the number that I was given for my bio-mom, but it was no longer in service.  I talked it over with my husband and we decided to give it a chance and to try the number of my bio-brother.  It worked!  I asked him several questions first to make sure that I had the right family.  I did.  I can’t imagine what was going through his mind when I told him that I was his biological sister.  They still had no idea about me.  We talked for a while, he asked me lots of questions which I was expecting, and he said he would have to think things over and call me next weekend.  I am OK with that.  I know that this is a lot to take in.  After all, in this day and age you never know who might be trying to scam you.  I told him that all I wanted was a chance to know him, nothing more.

I got up the next morning and found that he had blocked me on Facebook.  This devastated me to no end.  I spent all day crying my eyes out.  I was so depressed.  My poor husband didn’t know what to do for me, but he was there for me.  He held me and kissed me gently and gave me words of encouragement.  He did exactly what I needed him to do.  Then that night I got the call that I had been waiting for, the call of acceptance.

I had sent a message to my biological sister.  She seen it while she was at work and saw my picture.  Her co-workers even said that we look alike.  So she called me.  We had a very nice and long conversation about things.  It seems like we have a lot in common.  I don’t know how long we talked for, but I could have talked for hours.  She couldn’t believe how much we looked alike and how much I look like her (our) mother.  She said there was no denying it.  I was her sister!  She called me again later and told me that my bio-mom finally admitted that indeed, yes, I was her daughter that she had put up for adoption.  I have a beautiful sister that is very intelligent.  This makes me so proud.  I did find out about a few  more medical things in the family that explains a lot with me.  It seems that certain things really do run in the family.  But I can’t wait to find out more about her and I can’t wait to meet her.

A bit more to the roller coaster.  I got a call last night from another biological brother of mine.  He was not the nicest person, putting it very nicely.  Letting me know that I am nothing but a stranger to him and why would he want to know a stranger.  I kind of feel sorry for him in a way.  From the way he went off on me it seems like he has a lot of hate in his heart, a lot of anger.  An intelligent young lady once told me, a stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet.  I started to wonder how he ever made friends if he wants nothing to do with a stranger.  I find his reasoning difficult to understand, especially after living here for over four years now.  People here are extremely friendly and outgoing.  I walk down the street and as people walk by they say hello.  I walk into the supermarket and I am greeted with a smile, hello, and how are you.  I am often asked about my daughter and how she is doing.  I was at the clinic this morning and there was a little girl that I used to teach who told me hello, in English.  I have had kids that I taught run up to me and hug me and give me a kiss on the cheek while at the supermarket.  If you have met someone just once, the next time they see you they act as if they have known you for years.  But everyone has their own thing.  I guess I am just a people person, so living here is good for me.  I don’t like living in a bubble, I like to learn about people and cultures.  Maybe that is why I host people from all over the world in my home.  I will respect his decision of not wanting anything to do with  me.  It is not what I had hoped for, but at least I know.  I look forward to talking with my little sister again tonight.  I hope that my oldest brother will at least give me a chance now that he knows the truth.  I still have one more brother that I don’t know about, if he will or won’t.  Only time will tell.

So, I wish you all the best and enjoy each day and treat each other with love and kindness.  A smile could completely change someones day.  Until manaña, Pura Vida!

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3 responses

  1. I’m happy that you have found a sister! I, too, was adopted, at birth really. My adoptive parents kept my biological mother the last six weeks of her pregnancy. Unlike you, I have never felt the urge or need to reconnect. My mother had a very unusual last name, so it was fairly simple to track her down.

    As fate would have it, one day the attorney I worked for received a resume from a woman with the same last name as my mother. I kept the resume on my desk for a couple of years. I finally emailed her, making it clear that I had no wish to cause pain to anyone, and that I was curious mainly for medical reasons. She quickly responded, and actually sent me a booklet on the geneology of the family. It was interesting to see. She enclosed a note, saying that she had spoken to her mother, who remembered the time when my mother was pregnant. She said word had got out, and just to wait it out and see if anything happened. She said there were siblings, three I think.

    Things were so different back then! Anyway, I thanked her for the information never thought any more about it. I haven’t heard any more and don’t really expect to. That is fine with me.

    I’m sorry it’s been such an emotional ride for you, and I hope things work out!

    Pura vida!

  2. Wow, that’s a lot to take in. I’m half adopted, which I always knew, but never really felt the urge to connect. My sister, however, did, and so we’re now in contact with my bio-dad. My dad is still Daddy, nothing changed or affected there, but I’m cool with my bio-dad. He’s just another person in my life, not like a “father”. I guess because I felt fortunate to have grown up having the dad I have, I never really harbored any negative feelings toward him. Good luck on going forward and exploring your relationships and connections.

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